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Saudi Arabia accuses Israel of Using Spy Vultures, that’s right, Spy Vultures

In: News

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 1:53 pm

7 Jan 2011

BBC - Saudi Arabian officials have “detained” a vulture on accusations of being a spy for Israel, media reports say. The griffon vulture was carrying a GPS transmitter bearing the name of Tel Aviv University, prompting rumours it was part of a Zionist plot. Israeli wildlife officials dismissed the claims as ludicrous and expressed concern about the bird’s fate.

Last month, Egyptian officials implied the Israeli spy agency Mossad was to blame for shark attacks off its coast.* The vulture, which can have a wing span of up to 265cm (8ft 8in), was caught after it landed in the desert city of Hyaal a few days ago. When locals discovered the GPS transmitter, they suspected the worst and handed it over to the security forces, said Israel’s Ma’ariv newspaper. Conspiracy theories quickly began circulating in Saudi newspapers and on websites that the bird was involved in espionage.

Israeli officials told Ma’ariv they were “stunned” by the allegations and concerned that the bird could meet a horrible punishment in the notoriously severe Saudi justice system.* “The device does nothing more than receive and store basic data about the bird’s whereabouts, and about his altitude and speed,” a bird specialist at Israel’s Park and Nature Authority told the newspaper. The data would be used to improve understanding of the endangered species’ behaviour. The vulture is the latest animal to be accused of being an unwitting Mossad operative.

[*ed. - this writer is sneaky hilarious]

I know it’s kind of sad when people get fucked up by sharks, but aren’t we all secretly hoping that the crazy fucking Saudis are right this time?  As retarded as that makes us seem, it’s still true, right?  I pray to God that Israel is equipping various crazy fucked up species from the animal kingdom with GPS devices and cameras and shit.  I want to believe an Israeli scientist with a eye patch and a slight limp is hunched over a tank in a dark basement, swinging a gold chain back and forth, telling his squadron of great white sharks to go forth and feast on Saudi flesh.  I want to believe that exact scenario has happened in the not so distant past, and so do you.

The reporter did a fine job but he neglected to address what would happen if the Saudis are right.  Israel has attacked by sea and air, so land must be next.  Could use something predictable like lions or snakes.  But remember, if the Saudis are right, and this insane Israeli scientist think tank actually exists, then who’s to say they won’t get creative with genetics?  Basically, I want to believe Israel has a secret army of genetically-bred Dino-Riders waiting in a secret lair somewhere ‘neath the sands of the Holy Land.  Imagine a brigade of domesticated, prehistoric, fully-armored death machines charging across the battlefield, shooting frickin lasers from their heads.  I want to believe this exact scenario is in the works as we speak.

Of course, eventually we’d have to step in and help Israel, except our American Dino-Riders would be wicked souped up.  I’m talking huge T-Rex’s with giant predator cannons on their shoulders, pterodactyl stealth bombers, and velociraptors zooming around carrying tommy guns in their hands.  You don’t want to fuck with that, you just don’t.  Can we make a movie out of this 90′s toy already?  Who the fuck cares about Voltron, Battleship, Ouija, and Monopoly anyway?

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  • Greg

    If the Israelis actually have it, or are doing some perverted scientific experiments with animals then most likely or tax dollars paid for it. nn like the idea of dinosaurs with canons, wonder if they need drivers, be a lot of fun!

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