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Janeane Garofalo thinks you’re a pedophile.

In: News

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 2:15 pm

9 Jul 2010


(3:15, best I could do)

Huffington Post - Janeane Garofalo takes on Brazilian waxing in her new standup special “If You Will,” and she explains her anti-pubic grooming stance in a new interview with Uinterview.com.  “It couldn’t possibly be true that there are a lot of guys who find adult females with genitals that look pre-adolescent that attractive,” she said. “If they do, that’s a problem.” Janeane chalks up the obsession with hairlessness to a “national myth.”  “I feel like we’ve been conned into thinking it’s desirable to have that waxing done and that people like it,” she continues. “I think it’s a national myth that we have all gone along with for some reason.”

First of all, let it be known that Janeane Garofalo has about as much credibility as my left nut.  She’s one of those people that comes up with fake life opinions just so she resembles someone who actually produces original, quirky thoughts.  She’s basically a liberal, feminist chief.  She’s a chieftess.  That being said, now maybe it makes a little more sense why she’s calling you, me, and 99% of American men pedophiles for liking a clean-shaven snatch.  The vast majority of men like a shaved box for one important reason – pubes are fucking nasty.  I’ve had hook-ups where I’ve slipped my hand below the belt to get things moving along, but immediately retracted it when I suddenly came across a briar patch.  Even if you’re a girl sporting roast beef curtains down yonder, I’d rather take my chances on that minefield than shove my face into Grizzly Adams’ beard.  No thanks.  I’ll take a good night’s sleep and go about my business.

It works both ways, too.  Guys shave their nuts on a weekly basis because we know no girl wants to give a hummer to 1980′s Tom Selleck.  Minus the occasional razor burn or chaffage, it’s way more comfortable for us as well.  Not to mention the fact that our dicks look bigger as a result.  We’ve come a long way as a race, and we’ve fucked up in every facet of life along the way, but one area in which we have undoubtedly excelled is personal hygeine.  So shave on I say, razor burn be damned.  That’s what baby powder’s for.  Oh shit, now Garofalo thinks I like ‘em reeeal young.

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