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Chief of the Week: South Africa

In: Chief of the week

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 10:08 am

14 Jun 2010

If you’ve ever wondered what that dreadful noise is coming out of your television speakers during World Cup games, now you have your answer.  It’s a chorus of cheap plastic horns held to the mouths of roughly every South African in attendance, and the drone is deafening.  South Africans would have you believe that the “vuvuzela” is an integral part of their culture, a national trademark on display at all sporting events within their country.  I would have you believe that the vuvuzela is an annoying child’s toy that only became popular in South Africa .  So spare me the arguments citing tradition and history when you’re blowing into your stupid plastic trumpet like a 4 year old who just realized he could use his dick as a toy.  For the most part, no one realized the horns were going to be a problem until the 2009 Confederations Cup, also held in South Africa.  Then, just as now, the classic sounds of the game, players, and spectators were completely consumed by the overpowering monotone B flat of the fucking vuvuzelas.  No ban was put in place for the World Cup, and now we all suffer the consequences.  I woke up hungover as hell on Sunday morning and tried watching a game, but I had to turn it off after 10 minutes because the horn noise was so annoying.  It’s bad enough that soccer is boring as shit.  I don’t need another reason to change the channel, trust me.  So congratulations South Africa for ensuring that no international sporting championship will ever be held in your country again, all because your citizens won’t stop blowing into infantile plastic noisemakers, acting like a bunch of…

Chiefs of the Week.

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