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Pennsylvania Man Caught Trying to Resuscitate Dead Opossum

In: News

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 9:00 am

30 Mar 2010

Punxsutawney, PA – State police have charged a central Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a dead opossum along a highway.  State police in Punxsutawney said several witnesses saw Donald Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday afternoon.  Police arrested him along Route 36 in Oliver Township at about 3 p.m.  A state police news release did not specify how Wolfe was allegedly trying to revive the opossum.  The arresting trooper did not immediately return calls for comment Friday.

Just to be clear, a witness report stated that Wolfe was performing mouth-to-mouth, so we’re talking about a whole new level of drunkeness here.  But the way I see it, poor Donny just fell victim to the opossum’s age-old sneaky defense mechanism – playing dead.  Now he has to listen to the locals laugh their asses off everytime he brown bags his way through the streets of Brookville.  Meanwhile the opossum is laughing his ass off in the bushes somewhere near Route 36.  Do you feel good about what you’ve done you fucking opossum?  Do you?!!

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