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Chief of the Week: Andrew Fenlon

In: Chief of the week

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 8:13 pm

13 Jan 2010

I’ve been holding off posting a new chief the past couple weeks because I’ve only been seeing sub-par stories in the news.  Then, captain Andrew Fenlon comes along and forces me to toss up a mid-week post.  Honestly, you have to ask what this kid was smoking when he thought he wasn’t going to have to stand in a line for 12 hours to audition for American Idol.  If he owns a television, then there’s a 100% probability that he’s seen commercials and news stories depicting the ridiculous lines of tone-deaf fools stretched around city blocks.  And we’re not talking about Bumfuck, Nebraska here, we’re talking big fucking cities.  Even if he wasn’t expecting to have to wait, to then go inside the judges room and blame it on them before even singing his song?  Just absurd, and this is coming from someone who ranks the American Idol crew somewhere between the Pratts and Kanye West.

He did pick a great song, though.  Only problem is that everyone in the whole world loves it and starts imagining the sick guitar riff in the background with Eric Burdon’s voice wailing perfectly over it.  Andrew Fenlon on the other hand is a horrible singer, so his constant mistakes are incredibly amplified to the tuned ears of the general public.  I can’t even suggest a better choice for him.  Maybe “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks or “Cry Me a River” by Justin Timberlake would suit him well.

By the way, since when did Posh Spice’s hot little ass get on this show?  I mean, she would literally have to be naked for me to even glance at this program, but still, going from Paula Abdul to her is like going from fingering a girl with her tampon in to getting head from heather ideepthroat (nsfw) while a naked Miranda Kerr dangles a clove of grapes above your arched-back head.

By the way, in case you were wondering, here were the rest of the nominees.  Don’t think you can just sneak by during a bye week you sneaky fuckin’ russians.  First, there was the leading contender for the crown, NBC Studios.  I’m sure by now you’ve heard about them trying to bump Conan to midnight and Leno to 11:30.  By suggesting such a ridiculous notion, they’re currently killing the most iconic late night program in history.  Conan said fuck off to the offer, and my guess is he’ll end up at Fox (they better not off Kimmel who’s a funny bastard in his own right).  Leno followed Conan’s lead and backed up the man that replaced him.  Credit to Conan because he moved his entire life, staff, and family out to L.A. for what turned out be 7 months of bullshit, only to have a terrible primetime lead-in in the Jay Leno Show.  Credit to Leno for backing up Conan because up to this point, NBC has made him look like the bad-guy in this whole scenario by taking back his original time slot.  Don’t forget he was the host of the most successful late night program for over a decade before being arbitrarily cast off the island by NBC retards.  It’s like Ben Folds – Fred Meyers.  They’re just lucky Fox won last time and I didn’t want to pick two studios in a row.  (Sneaky prediction – Leno stays and takes over The Tonight Show again, thus renegging on his word and catapulting him to chiefdom…we’ll wait and see)

Lindsay Lohan’s dad kicked his ex-girlfriend in the vagina because she accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.  This is the same dickhead who’s been releasing information about her daughter to the media at a regular pace.  And because the media loves to leech off stories of Lindsay’s alcohol/drug-infused adolescent years, Pere Lohan probably makes an easy buck.  Judging from the evidence and Michael’s overall character, it’s pretty clear that he did in fact kick the chick in the vagina, that he did give her a Folex, and that he is a complete disgrace of a human being.

Lastly, Texas Tech ex-football coach Mike Leach may be an idiot, but so was the pussy he locked in the equipment shed for a few hours.  Sounds like the kid was being a whiny bitch on the field, then he squealed like a whiny bitch when he was stuffed in a dark room for a day.  Slightly concussed my ass.  I’m on Leach’s side but the guy’s not the brightest bulb in the Light-Bright set.  I’d say the best way to get fired one week before your bowl game would be to stuff a college kid in a locked room with no windows for 6 hours and have someone supervise him to make sure he couldn’t sit down or eat.  Way to go jack-ass.

So that about wraps it up.  I never watch American Idol but I always get a kick out of the horrible auditions that make it online.  It’s the only part of the show that ever generates humorous moments.  And you know what?  For that I am thankful.  Truly thankful.  Other people should be thankful they even had a chance to audition for the show.  Certain people should realize that when you’re granted an audience and potentially placed on national television that they should always be respectful and gracious.  Certain people like…

The Chief of the Week.

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  • ricflare

    For a second, I was hoping that was Michael Ian Black pulling a prank.

  • americanidolepisodes

    it was cillian murphy!

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