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The Booze’s New Years Agenda

In: Random

Posted By: The Booze at 11:49 am

31 Dec 2009

I’ve never been one to follow through on new years resolutions, so I’ll kill two birds with one stone. I vow to get really hammered on the last day of 2009 and wake up hungover on the first day of 2010. This is probably how the night is gonna go down…

9:00 – Show up at some party in CT. Stare awkwardly at the people we don’t know. Me and my friends chug a beer to let everyone know what’s up.

9:10 – Break out the big guns, crush some beers, work up a good buzz.

9:45 – 11:45 – Run the table in ruit (or consistently cheat my way to the top of the list) Pound side beers. Forget how many I’ve had, start telling people “I’m like 25 deep.”

11:50 – Bro Karma kicks in and I boot up my supposed “25 beers.”

12:00 – I rally in time for the ball drop, then find some bitch to make out with.

12:02 – I stop making out with that bitch…brush teeth.

12:05 – Start drinkin again. Polish off “another 25 beers, bro!”

12:40 – Feeling good. Time to hit the dance floor.

12:45 – Done showing off my solo moves. Time to grind up on that shorty eyeing me from across the room.

1:20 – Things escalate quickly. We take the party upstairs. I cut to the chase and break out the condom.

1:35 – Whiskey dick interrupts.

1:36 – In a very convenient, movie-like scenario, I discover Viagra in the dresser. Party on Wayne.

2:00 – drugs kick in and we bump uglies.

2:10 – I got mine, don’t really care about hers. Time to sleep.

2:10 – 10:00 – Dream about the Winter Classic at Fenway the next day.

10:00 – Wake up with morning wood (as a result of hockey dreams? Yes). Try to take a piss with an erection.

10:05 – After pissing all over the toilet, I look around for the chick I was with last night, assuming she looks something like this…

10:06 – She’s nowhere to be found, but I get a look at her bra and panties…

10:06 – Buuurrraallaughghhhghh

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