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Sex…not worth the wait

In: News

Posted By: Alfred K at 7:05 pm

24 Dec 2009

A portrait of self-disgust

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Just days after tying the knot after years of abstinence, Kevin Jonas of the pop sensation the Jonas Brothers stunned his teenaged fans by announcing that “to be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait.”

“After we did it, I was kind of like, that’s it?” Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

As to whether Mr. Jonas’ bride agreed with his “that’s it?” assessment, Mr. Jonas remarked, “That’s what she said.”

This just goes to show how crazy religious fanaticism can really ruin a guy.  First he can’t get pleasure from sex.  Next, his girl gets him to try out some fantasies to see if that does the trick.  Soon enough, he’s a full-blown furry, all in a vague attempt to cover up his homosexual urges.

And who wants to bet this chick wasn’t really a virgin?  What chick in Hollywood is?  “Oh yeah…sex was bad for me too…”  Riiiiight.  And I bet you popped your cherry with a tampon too?  Woops!

That's Kevin on the left

Yes, the Jonas Bros are trying to make male purses popular

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