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I Hate John Lackey, I Really Really Do

In: Sports

Posted By: The Booze at 9:15 am

15 Dec 2009


There are certain times in your life when a relationship is forced upon you. You may not approve, but such interaction is inevitable. It happened to me with my freshman year roommate. It happened to every teammate of Sean Avery. It happens to skinny white inmates every night of the week. The people you hate will always find a way into your life.

Today’s signing of John Lackey by the Boston Red Sox was one of those times. Before I begin, let me acknowledge that Lackey is a tremendous baseball player and a great addition to the Red Sox pitching staff. His 2009 playoff performance alone will tell you what kind of a gamer he is.


I fucking hate this guy’s guts. I can try to explain why, but I fear there are no words to truly describe why I feel such hatred for this man. I think it starts with his face. Every time I look at his ugly mug I want to chuck a beer bottle at it. I don’t know what it is about it, but it just pisses me off to no end. If you took the creepiest features of  Al Gore and Jack Nicholson and threw them together, you might get John Lackey.

I think the hatred also comes from his lack of sportsmanship. Everyone should remember when he threw a hissy fit after losing to the Sox in the 2008 ALDS…

“We lost to a team that’s not better than us,” “We are a better team than they are. The last two days, we shouldn’t have given up anything.” “[Sunday] night they scored three runs on a pop fly that was called a hit, which was a joke,” “[Monday] night they scored on a broken-bat ground ball and a fly ball that anywhere else in America is an out, and he’s fist-pumping on second base like he did something great.” When asked how he was feeling, Lackey said, “Like I want to throw somebody through a wall.”

I’d say those comments confirmed my suspicion that Lackey was a huge douchebag. Since then I haven’t second-guessed that assessment.

Despite all of that, there may be a silver lining. Perhaps part of me hated him because of his success pitching against Boston. Maybe I just resented the fact that he stood in our path to a World Series. Maybe now I can put aside our differences as we benefit from his success on the diamond.

No, never mind. I still want to punch his lights out.

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    It's a good thing he is a good pitcher, because that hatred is something that this entire city should have for him.

  • Roger-martin

    I think it’s his incredible under bite of his jaw that I find so grotesque. But your right “Booze”,…this turd is damn ugly. And so is his attitude in general. I remember thinking to myself when he was signed to the Red Sox,….”God No” !. Yes this is the same Lackey that was swilling beer and eating pizza and laughing it up in the clubhouse when his “team” was toiling it out on the field during game time. He’s a scum bag and a puke, and probably hasn’t one redeeming quality. Except for one maybe,…he’s undoubtedly a Dentist’s wet dream come true.

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