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How to prevent your kids from having sex

In: News

Posted By: Alfred K at 11:26 am

8 Dec 2009

The sex talk is never easy. It’s not comfortable for anyone involved – parents are afraid of it, children are mortified by it – which is probably why the Talk so often comes after the fact. In the latest study on parent-child talks about sex and sexuality, researchers found that more than 40% of adolescents had had intercourse before talking to their parents about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases.

That trend is troublesome, say experts, since teens who talk to their parents about sex are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter and to practice safe sex when they do become sexually active. And, ironically, despite their apparent dread, kids really want to learn about sex from their parents, according to study after study on the topic.

While these results are not all that unbelievable, I think there is a great way we could scar children’s minds on the idea of sex even further. See the hypothetical conversation below:

“See kids, I stick my dinky in your mom’s hoo-hoo like this. Your mom also likes it when I put my thumb in her bum-bum like so.”

At this point, the kids are probably throwing up. It is key to lock the door from the inside so they can’t easily escape.

“But Dad, why did you have to poop on her chest at the end? Why?”

“Son, sex is a complex thing. This is exactly why you have to wait until you are married before you can safely have sex.”

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