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Vodka Now Available As A Pill, My Days Are Numbered

In: News

Posted By: The Booze at 9:10 am

1 Dec 2009


MOSCOW: Good news for vodka lovers as you can consume your favourite drink just like any other solid food, without the hassle of carrying heavy glass bottles.

Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev of Saint Petersburg Technological University has evolved a technique that allows turning alcohol into powder and packing it in pills. The new technique can solidify any kind of alcohol, including whisky, cognac, wine and beer.

“Dry” vodka can be wrapped in paper and carried around in a pocket or a bag. Vodka in form of a pill would come handy at parties when “consumers” would be able to calculate their exact required dosage.

Well folks, my days are numbered. As soon as this product hits American shelves, a tragic course of events will be set in motion, ultimately leading to my death. My experiences with hard alcohol in the past have destroyed brain cells, emptied my wallet, lowered my standards, and left me covered in marker. Considering that a gag reflex was my only line of defense, these pills will surely be trouble.

Think of how easy it will be to save money during your night on the town! I will be popping these pills like goldfish at the bar. That will ultimately lead to a Heath Ledger-like demise (minus the Olsen twin involvement). I always knew I would die at the hands of science, I just didn’t realize it would be so soon.

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