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Stealing An ATM With A Front-End Loader

In: News

Posted By: The Booze at 9:10 am

20 Nov 2009

front-end loader atm

Fort Worth, TexasThree men accused of stealing an ATM may get an “A” for creativity, but their daring plan ended up failing when they couldn’t make a quick getaway.

Three men stole a front-end loader from a road project on East Rosedale Avenue in Fort Worth at about 4 a.m. Wednesday and drove it more than a mile to the OmniAmerican Bank, police said.

Officers responding to an alarm call found the men had severely damaged the bank’s drive-through, ripped out the ATM and were driving away slowly — with the money machine loaded on the front of the construction vehicle, police said.

“This is definitely something we don’t encounter every day,” said Fort Worth police Sgt. Chad Mahaffey. “The officers saw the suspects, and as soon as the suspects saw the officers, the chase was on.”

A foot chase, that is. The driver jumped off the front-end loader and ran. Officers captured him and a second man nearby. The third man got away, police said.

As a white man who has seen the movie Barbershop, I feel compelled to make fun of these idiots. How could they not have seen that movie? I’m not being racist, but it’s not like TBS expects me to watch Tyler Perry shows if you know what I mean. But let’s say they did miss the movie or they only saw the sequel, common sense should still tell you that stealing an ATM isn’t a good idea. First of all, ATMs are under video surveillance. Secondly, they are hard as hell to crack open. I’m pretty sure they got MIT grads designing those things these days.

With that said, at least they were aware of the third issue: ATMs are heavy. Stealing a front-end loader was actually a smart move. There was no way they’d have gotten away without it. BUT here’s where they went wrong:

Instead of using the construction vehicle to lift the stolen goods into a truck bed, they decided to use it as a getaway vehicle. That part of the plan made 0 sense. Why flee the scene at 30 mph when you can hop in a truck and go 90? I realize not everybody can think like a criminal, so allow me to relate this to something everyone can understand…

You can let a girl stroke the shaft to get things started, but there are quicker and more satisfying ways to get to the end result.

hand job

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