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The Very Best of @shitmydadsays

In: Facebook/Twitter

Posted By: The Booze at 9:00 am

17 Nov 2009

shitmydadsays

I’m not a big twitterer, I never really understood the appeal. I mean, some users will send you great content, but the majority of it is just bullshit details about people’s lives that I don’t give two shits about. That said, there is one popular account that deserves some recognition. Some guy named Justin has been posting quotes from his 73 year-old dad under the name @shitmydadsays. I’m going to share some of my favorites below…

(10.) “I don’t need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I’m old. I’m through moving shit.”

(9.) “That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”

(8.) “Mom and I saw a great movie last night…No, don’t remember the name. It was about a guy or, no, wait.. fuck, getting old sucks.”

(7.) “Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.”

(6.) Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don’t ever say stuff just because you think you should. That’s the definition of an asshole.”

(5.) “It’s just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?”

(4.) “We didn’t have a prom. Dancing wasn’t allowed…What’s Footloose?…That’s the plot of the movie? That sounds like a pile of shit.”

(3.) “You worry too much. Eat some bacon… What? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”

(2.) “If mom calls, tell her I’m shitting… Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit.”

(1.) “The worst thing you can be is a liar….Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2″

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