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No Pants, No Pizza

In: News

Posted By: The Booze at 11:27 am

30 Sep 2009

PORTSMOUTH — A female pizza delivery worker got more than she bargained for on multiple occasions when she went to deliver food and was met at the door by a man wearing no pants.

Portsmouth Police Lt. Rodney McQuate said the woman delivering the pizza notified police of the man’s actions after it took place four different times. ”She would go to the address and the guy comes to the door wearing no pants,” McQuate said.

McQuate said the pizza delivery woman called police in an effort to let them know what was going on, but didn’t wish to press charges. He said an officer was sent out to speak to the man and let him know how “inappropriate” his behavior was.

“We went and talked to the guy and they aren’t getting any more pizza delivered there,” McQuate said.

This pant-less man is not the one to blame here. This all stems from Domino’s new ad campaign. If your slogan is going to be “you’ve got 30 minutes,” expect to catch some guys with their pants off.

Here is exactly what happened…the guy got stoned and wanted some food. He was too lazy to talk on the phone so he grabbed his laptop to order online (this ridiculous option is also Domino’s fault). After placing the order he started watching pizza tracker. After getting the update that “Sonjay has put the pizza in the oven,” he realized he still had 20 minutes to kill. Since he was already on his laptop he pulled up redtube, took off his pants, and went to town. Two minutes later, after finishing up, he briefly dozed off on the couch. When the doorbell rang he was too high to remember he had no pants on. Pizza girl ends up being a vein bitch, assumes it’s a sexual advance. The End.

Give me my own crime solving show already. I’ll be like Monk, but less of a bitch.

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