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Man Gets Penis Caught in Weight-Lifting Clamp

In: News

Posted By: The Booze at 11:25 am

24 Sep 2009

Daily Pilot - In what firefighters described as a once-in-a-lifetime call, officials with the Costa Mesa Fire Department’s Urban Search and Rescue squad were summoned early Tuesday morning to Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian in Newport Beach to save another man’s penis from perishing.

The man, whom authorities declined to identify, other than saying that he was in his 50s, had apparently put his penis through the hole of a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener, two or three days earlier.

The device got stuck, and he couldn’t remove it. The penis had blackened and swollen to five times its normal size, authorities said. In order to remove the ring, firefighters had to use a saw to cut through it.

What is this obsession with penis enlargement? When I’m not hearing about dumbasses like this guy, I’m seeing creepy commercials from Extenze and Enzyte on TV (I know it’s tough to advertise your product without saying the word penis, but you don’t have to smirk and giggle about it like a 3rd grader). I may not be Ron Jeremy, but I know how to make up for it. I’m not about to treat my dick like a stretch armstrong. A wise man once told me…”It’s not the size of the boat that counts, but the skill of the skipper, and the motion of the ocean.”

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