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Offensive Jokes (Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You)

In: Random

Posted By: The Booze at 12:54 pm

9 Sep 2009

April Fools

So this woman’s giving birth to this baby right?

She’s pushing a pushing and finally the baby comes out. The doctor takes it into the next room to clean up, and brings it back out.

He starts to hand it to the mother when he suddenly slams it on the ground and kicks it into the wall. Then proceeds to start stomping on it.

The mother this whole time is screaming “STOP STOP THAT’S MY BABY!”

The doctor stops, looks her straight in the eye and says: “APRIL FOOLS! …it was already dead”

Tissues

My girlfriend texted me the other day and said, “I’m about to watch Titanic – tissues at the ready!”

I replied, “I’m about to watch the Hannah Montana Movie – tissues at the ready!”

Bald Pussy

Q: What’s the worst part about eating bald pussy?

A: You have to put the diaper back on.

Presidents

Q: What do Lincoln, JFK and Obama have in common?

A: Nothing…yet.

AIDS

Q: How is the AIDS virus a miracle?

A: It turns fruits into vegetables.

Pedophilia

Q: What’s the main cause of pedophilia?

A: Sexy kids.

Ginger Kid

A woman goes into labour at hospital. After the birth takes place the baby is taken into special care immediately and the doctor returns after a few minutes with a solemn face and says to the mother:

Doctor: “I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?”

Mother: “Oh Dear!! Tell me the bad news doctor!!!!! starts sobbing

Doctor: “Your child is ginger”

The mother breaks into tears of relief

Mother: “Well that’s not so bad at all…sobs and laughter…what’s the good news?”

Doctor: “He’s dead.”

9 out of 10

Q: What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

A: Gang rape.

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