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Hilariously Bad Product Names

In: Random

Posted By: The Booze at 8:47 am

20 Aug 2009

#6: KUM Hair Care

In his Web biography, K.U.M. CEO Joseph Chimenti notes his “passion for the hair care profession as evidenced by over 40 years experience covering every aspect of the business.” Call us crazy, but we’re pretty sure 40 years of experience would tell you not to name your shampoo after dick seed.

How did the K.U.M. line get its lamentable name? Well, the brand harnesses the extract of nature’s most mocked fruit, the kumquat.

We’re no marketing wizards, but wouldn’t have been way less awkward simply to name the brand Q.U.A.T.? Think of the lawsuits (and black eyes) your barber would avoid if he could instead say that he was rubbing a load of refreshing Q.U.AT. into your scalp.

#2 Wack Off! Insect Repellant

Army surplus stores are magical places where you can find World War II side arms and the mummified thumbs of dead terrorists. In Australia, amongst the boomerangs and Paul Hogan-endorsed machetes, you can also find the fabled Wack Off! bug lotion.

The Wack Off! brand raises some curious implications. First, the product’s name is an imperative – it commands the consumer to drop whatever he’s doing to repel mosquitoes… or pleasure himself.

Also, the product proudly boasts “AS USED BY THE ARMED FORCES.” To take this encomium at face value is to assume that the Australian military exclusively recruits chronic masturbators. Which, to be fair, would be a hilariously disturbing form of psychological warfare. What would YOU do against a platoon of angry Aussies, dicks a-wagging?

View the full list of ill-conceived product names at

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