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This Week in Idiots…

In: Random

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 4:36 pm

17 Aug 2009

Even when a person acts like a complete moron, you can usually still pick out some semblance of reasoning behind the sequence of events.  That flawed thought process can often be attributed to substance abuse, having persuasive dickheads for friends, general cause & effect curiosity, or a freak mistake.  Then this video comes along and throws me for a loop.

I have a billion questions for this guy.  If I thought he had seen an airplane before, I’d fly him into Massachusetts for an exclusive interview.  There are so many logical gaps in his thought process that I don’t know where to begin.  Like, it’s safe to assume this guy has seen a pane of glass before, right?  And he definitely sees the glass, he’s not pulling the old walk into a crystal clear glass door by accident trick, because he definitely stops, looks up, and pretends to read from his folder while he ponders his next maneuver.  Then, upon sizing up this strange translucent structure for over a minute, what possesses him to pull a Ray Lewis and form tackle the shit out of it?  Couldn’t just stall a second longer so a passerby could demonstrate how doors work?  Did he think this transparent obstacle was some sort of viscous liquid entryway ala Stargate?  Was he hoping to jump through seran-wrap or a crystal clear rectangle of tarpaulin?

I like to think he knew it was glass, couldn’t grasp the automatic sensor concept, weighed his options, and just took a run at the glass.  It’s like he pulled a Daniel-san crane for a minute, then just said “Fuck it, let’s dance.  If I die, then I get to fuck a virgin tonight in heaven.”  Gotta love his commitment though – right before his sprint, he looks around to see who’s watching, as if he knew full well his decision was not going to have a pleasant result, then he leaps anyway.  If that’s not a metaphor for every guy about to get married, then I don’t know what is.

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