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Chief of the Week: T.J. Houshmandzadeh

In: Chief of the week

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 3:47 pm

27 Jul 2009

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We had a few contenders up for this week’s title, but I really thought we’d get a better showing out of the Comic-Con crowd.  That venue is built for this contest – thousands of ridiculous fans over-idolizing celebrities perched atop an elevated platform with massive close-up videos of their faces overhead (how I picture it).  But after four days worth of events, Cameron Diaz pulled off the only borderline chief maneuver.  She was on a panel promoting her new film “The Box” – a stupid one-trick-pony entry that needs all the help it can get to put asses in the seats come October 30th.  Cameron inadvertently discovered the perfect method to simultaneously force the director/producers to commit hari kari and completely demolish the movie’s only drawing point – by revealing the twist ending.  If you give enough of a shit, then go read what she did here.

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By the way, how the hell did this happen?  It’s like at some point along her journey from The Mask to The Box she dove head first into a woodchipper.  That’s a generous 2009 pic, too – fucking imdb.com doesn’t let you copy these photos.  Assholes.  Now, let’s move on to this week’s champion…

One man managed to make a mark on Monday (alliteration), and I’ll admit I was a bit conflicted with this week’s pick.  I like Housh’s variety of wide receiver, he’s nasty in 3rd down situations and yards after the catch, and he has one of the coolest natural nicknames in the NFL.  Then I remembered how he fucked me over in Fantasy Football last year (admittedly, he had a tough situation in Cinci) – needless to say, he definitely could use a call-out:

NBCSports.com - Seahawks receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh surely believes that becoming an unrestricted free agent is one of the best things that ever could have happened to him.  In hindsight, it could end up being one of the worst.  His status as a free agent, his tour of various teams, and his departure from Cincinnati for Seattle has caused the media to pay more attention to him than ever before.  And the more he talks, the more he comes off as a guy who simply doesn’t get it.

Most recently, Houshmandzadeh told Colin Cowherd of ESPN Radio that he’ll boycott the 2010 version of the Madden video game, because Houshmandzadeh doesn’t like the rating that has been assigned to him.

“I understand I averaged 10 yards a catch, but it’s the offense, not me,” Houshmandzadeh said, via Mike Sando of ESPN.com.  “I’m not playing Madden no more until they get my rating right…I used to be the best in the world at Madden.  I’m going to miss not playing it, but until they do me right, I’m not playing it any more.”

So what do you think Boozehounds?  On a 100-pt. scale, he must have been issued a 75 or so if he’s whining like this, right?  Way off.  Housh was given a 91, and he’s ranked as the 6th best receiver in the NFC behind Larry Fitzgerald (99), Steve Smith (97), Anquan Boldin (94), Roddy White (93), and Calvin Johnson (92).  Dare I say that Madden was actually rather generous in giving him a 91?  I mean, be happy you’re still ranked that high after turning in a shitty season in 2008.  If it was the team’s fault that your numbers were down, then don’t bitch about it now that you’re well out the door.  Cinci is a little speck on the horizon of your career now…don’t worry no more.

Here’s a free one on the Doc - stop acting like a Bengal, even though it might be hard to expel Chad Ochofucko’s mannerisms from your head.  You’re now a member of the venerable Seattle Seahawks and you’ll be catching passes from one fine Masshole in Matt Hasselbeck.  Just keep your mouth shut and quickly become the Wes Welker of the NFC West.  Otherwise, I’m going to start broadcasting the fact that you look oddly similar to the big dude from The Longest Yard and Get Smart.

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Don’t forget about Housh’s past verbal follies either.  In 2006, the Pats stomped on the Bengals, prompting him to comment on the double team and Cover 2 defenses assigned to him and Chad Johnson, “It’s just frustrating because I think we’re the better team by far and the score doesn’t show that. It shows that they’re the better team by far and I don’t think anyone believes that. They don’t have anything we don’t have other than three Super Bowls. It’s sure not talent. Anyone can see that.”  Really, guy?  38-13 on your turf.  Other than the unfortunate incident in the playhouse Mrs Lincoln, how did you like the play?

Well, congrats T.J.  After this victory, 2009 could shape up to be quite the comeback year for you.  Remember, the Seahawks may utilize Pacific Northwestern tribal art in the uniforms, but I assure you, the last thing that down-on-their-luck, injury-laden franchise needs is a…

Chief of the Week.

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