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Happy Bastille Day!

In: Random

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 1:45 pm

14 Jul 2009


Ah, Bastille Day.  France’s best attempt at a 4th of July celebration.  Somehow red wine and coq au vin doesn’t quite scream “fuck yeah!” like backyard bbqs and budweiser, but we’ll let the Mustards have their fun.  Hey, you know what else is fun?  French jokes:

  1. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?  One.  He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
  2. The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. – Dennis Miller
  3. As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure. – Jacques Chirac, former President of France.  Rush Limbaugh: As far as France is concerned, you’re right.
  4. France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” – Mark Twain
  5. I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. – General George S. Patton
  6. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. – Norman Schwartzkopf
  7. We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it. – Marge Simpson
  8. The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee. – Regis Philbin
  9. The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don’t know. – P.J O’Rourke
  10. You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940′s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it. – John McCain.

And don’t forget this hall-of-famer:

A long time ago, the British and French were at War. D uring one battle, the French captured an English major.  They took the major to their headquarters and a French general began to question him.  The French general asked, “Why do you English officers all wear red coats?  Don’t you know the red material makes you easy targets for us to shoot?”  In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won’t show and the men they are leading won’t panic.  And that is why from that day to now, all French army officers wear brown pants.

Enjoy the holiday.


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