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Chief of the Week: Cristiano Ronaldo

In: Chief of the week

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 8:37 pm

13 Jul 2009


Man, last week was quite the contest.  The international community was unusually well-represented in the title race with China, Iran, Ukraine, and Yemen all putting forth a strong effort.  They hate the internet and free speech like the British hate dental care.  Michael Bay tried to become Boozeworthy’s first repeat Chief with reports of him “auditioning” Megan Fox for her role in Transformers.  Even Sarah Palin showed some hustle, grasping at those last few threads of national relevance all week long.  Let’s see if the Doc can come up with a perfect metaphor for that one…

[ed. 8/21 - clip used to be a longer version including the fist fight on the plane with the secret service agent.  Movie companies are such pussies about youtube]

Now, let’s move on to the week’s champion, a man who eats Chief Chex for breakfast every morning but who only needed one incident to take home the coveted crown.

The guy just got himself a £80 million contract to play with Real Madrid for 6 years.  He gets to move closer to his homeland.  The always entertaining World Cup is less than a year away.  He just broke up with his smokeshow of a girlfriend upon realizing he can take down any girl he wants in the world.  I’m thinkin’ life’s pretty damn good, right?  WRONG: - Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a car window as he hit out at a teenage girl who was allegedly filming him outside his home in Lisbon. Sara Pardal, aged 17, was covered in shards of glass and received hospital treatment for her alleged injuries, reports in the Portuguese media claim.

Ronaldo has admitted smashing the window, but claims the girl was working in conjunction with a paparazzi photographer who had been “standing for days on end in front of my house, eating yogurt and waiting for anything newsworthy to happen.”  When he spotted the girl – who claims she was just a fan – filming him, he leapt out of his £200,000 Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano and smashed the window.

Ronaldo said: “This persecution caused my mother to be so disturbed and upset that I had to stop my car to try to convince them to leave us in peace.”

He claims he was then offered the chance to buy the video of the incident from the alleged male accomplice, but declined.

Ya, real good move not snatching up that video before it hit the internet, dick.  Thanks for giving us all a chance to catch that abominable, yogurt-eating persecution with our own eyes.  Let’s not forget about Crissy’s other intangible assets either – he rocks a large fohawk (you know, kinda like Indians), he drives like a drunk (…again), and he’s deep into casinos and hiltons (…ahthankyou).  Congrats, Cristiano, you may have lost the Champions League this year, but you now have a superior trophy to place up on the mantle next to your new bottle of herpes cream – a little piece of hardware we like to call…

The Chief of the Week.

(more priceless pics – here, here, here, and here)

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  • danger

    fuckin euros – go all the way to vegas, grab a drink, take the shirt off, relax on a chaise lounge…and get your dick tugged in public by a personal male masseuse.

  • Kdaylay

    that is indeed the perfect metaphor. has the bad guy in that every played a good guy role. btw, this many views and two comments? mindbottling

  • A Ridiculous Own Goal | BoozeWorthy

    [...] craziest own goal in the history of the world.  From that angle and distance on the pitch, even resident chief Cristiano Ronaldo would have trouble scoring on a free kick.  He would definitely like this video though.  [...]

  • Geo1012_88

    hey he achieved shit you losers never will,go do something with your lifes dumbasses

  • TheBooze


  • doc

    i achieved 2nd base with your mother last night

  • Dental Care

    Oh!…that’s great helpful, it’s so right to me! Million thanks for the article,

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