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Creamed Cheese

In: News

Posted By: Doc Holliday at 10:07 am

7 Jul 2009

PhillyCreamCheeseClassic

Boston, MA.   At Eric’s LaPatisserie Cafe in Worcester they won’t actually offer you a baby with your bagel, but if you’re expecting, they will supply you with the next best thing: a small container of “Labor-Inducing Cream Cheese.”

Eric Jasmin’s a fun, funny, talented foodie, who also happens to be very creative at marketing his small café on Commercial Street, in the shadow of Worcester’s City Hall.  “It just sort of happened by itself,” explains Jasmin. “I was asked to send up some bagels and cream cheese to a woman who was about a week overdue, she had the baby the next day, and sent me a note saying it must have been the cream cheese!”  And, savvy businessman that he is, who was he to argue?  And the truly wacky thing is that there are numerous women who will tell you with a straight face that, for all they know, it was Jasmin’s labor-inducing cream cheese that put their pregnancy over the line and into delivery.

Well, you would think a trained, experienced obstetrician would know, right?  Wrong. At least Dr. Dawn Tasillo won’t come out and say it’s all hooey.  Her response was startlingly vague and noncommittal – and surely cause for jumping up and down if your name is Eric Jasmin and you happen to market labor-inducing cream cheese. “We simply do not know exactly and precisely what causes labor to begin at a certain point.”  But could it be the damned cream cheese, doctor? “By itself, probably not, but sometimes the power of mental suggestion can have a powerful effect on women who are anxious and overdue.”  That sound of a muted cheer is emanating all the way from Worcester and the small cramped café kitchen where they scoop the cream cheese into little half-pint clear containers.  Sure enough, just before I left, a very pregnant woman did indeed drop by for a muffin and said she had tried the cream cheese.  Turns out she is a patient of Dr. Dawn Tasillo.  Who, for the record, tasted the cream cheese for the first time when I offered it to her.  She liked it, and said there seemed to be “some extra taste or something in there, don’t you think?”  Perhaps it’s the secret labor-inducing ingredient.

Dr. Tasillo went on to explain how the babies pop out as soon as they realize their umbilical cords are filled with Philadelphia Cream Cheese and Eric Jasmin’s semen.  He should have called it “Eric Jasmin’s Baby Batter” - because then, you know, it woulda worked on two levels.

(btw, the cafe is also supposedly famous for its “Gorilla Nut Coffee”…..yup.)

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  • Chronic

    When I eat dairy I tend to shit sooner. or taco bell.

    I'm guessing its similar with having babies.

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