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Gas Won't Get You a Ride to School

In: News

Posted By: The Booze at 9:28 am

24 Mar 2009

school-bus-driver

LAKELAND, Fla. – An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day.

I have a couple problems with this story and I think a lot of you will agree with me.

1. When I was a kid, a stench on the bus resulted in one of two outcomes. There was either a collective denial, followed by relentless accusations (that often rhymed) OR the awkwardly big kid, who didn’t have much else going for him, willingly took credit as if it were a measure of status. Regardless of which outcome there was an unwritten rule on that bus…the driver never verbally acknowledged any of it. The driver’s power was limited to the awkward eye contact they made with each of us in their over-sized rear-view mirrors. It was assumed that the bus driver, like the rest of us, just wanted to get home, watch TV, and have an alcoholic beverage. Any confrontation would just prolong those results. I imagine they kept their sanity knowing they could legally do all three of those, while the rest of us could only do two (except for Trevor who had that Robin Williams syndrome from that movie nobody likes to admit they saw…in theaters…and liked it)

2. Where does a bus driver get off punishing a student for cutting the cheese? If anyone, a good chastising is long overdue for bus drivers across the country. Why do you think little kids fight for the seats at the back of the bus? It’s not because it’s the cool thing to do, or that the single seats prevent infection from cooties, or even the ability to moon the guy through the back window who is pissed he left his driveway right after the bus route reached it. No, the real reason kids sit back there is because they want to stay as far away from the bus drivers’ stench as possible. After a long hot day of shuttling little kids around these people smell like a weird mix of sweat and cheap cologne/perfume.

In conclusion, the fart has long been misunderstood. Just like homosexuality, it is not something we choose, it is just a part of nature.

db2072-i-love-to-fart

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  • The Jiggler

    HAahhaha nice write up Booze, shit was hilarious.

    So true, what is thisworld coming to, plus did the driver suspend, damn down in Lakeland them drivers get all the authority. thouht it was principals who laid down the law.

    My prediction is the housing market in lakeland plummets as parents fear for their kids goign to public school and getting suspended daily.

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